Self-Discovery

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As I was commenting on a fellow bloggers plea about their personality and situation I learned some things great about myself. It’s not that what I found out about myself was great but rather the feeling of learning some thing or things for that matter new about yourself is a great feeling in it itself.

1) The first aspect I learned was that as a INFJ and being a person who thinks about the comfort and ease of others that I when I speak to people I tend to speak to them at the mediums, tone, and level that the person him/her self is speaking to me at. This is the same example I gave the person as well that If someone comes off as blunt I also will reciprocate bluntness in my speech though I am not. And it’s true on the other hand, if someone manifests softness and humbleness then I also will show the same in my mannerisms and speech. I realized that I ,as a individual, find it inconsiderate to burden someone with my distinct personality out of fear that it may inconvenience them or disturb them. So rather than manifesting my unique personality I just mimic what the person is used to at the very least since it is he/she them-self that I am mimicking. Quite complex,deep and complicated right? Yea, thats what INFJ’s are known for. We are people made of different layers upon layers seeking to be understood by our peers. 

2) The second thing I learned was that the myers briggs description of the INFJ is true that INFJ’s are selective on their close friends whom they show their “true” selves to. It’s not like we are undercover wolverines by night and human by day (though in my case being a guy with a full beard some may even believe so =p). But rather we are people who feel that not everyone can handle our true self. It’s not that we are on some high pedestal and the rest of world are like peasants (though I fear some arrogant INFJ’s are like that). But its more like we don’t like to feel vulnerable. We only like to open up our true selves to those whom we truly believe are emotional mature enough and open enough to accept our weaknesses as people and yet to still be close, loyal friends. And let me assure you that it doesn’t matter how close you may think you are to an INFJ most likely you are talking to one of their masks they have put up for your or more selfishly their convenience. Complicated right? Yea tell me about it, I live with one 24/7 (myself).

3) The last thing I learned from that small, simple reply was that I as a person really come out due to circumstances. That there is so much self discovery ready for me but I don’t have the proper platform to spit it out and search through it. For example, this blogger had a rhetorical question which triggered a response with in me and had my thoughts running and organizing their self’s. It was through this process that I learned these different things about myself. It is the lack of these scenarios in my life that hinder my own discovery or my lack of noticing them. It takes that question to stir something within me hence spitting something out whether it be verbally to someone one on one or through writing. Only when it is out there “outside the box” so to speak then I as a analyst am able to actually see what has come out, dissect it, and then take benefit. 

(That is why in my tradition of Islam our teachers have always mentioned that when speaking  to people the closest ears are yours. Hence you speak for your own benefit for you are most in need of those words of righteousness and goodness and hope others may also benefit.) 

That is why in many occasions I remember speaking to close friends and giving sort of general advice and reflections about matters and in the conversation itself after hearing what I just said to my friend I will have an intellectual epiphany about my own reflections. As if I didn’t hear them when they were in my head and the deepness or vastness of the words didn’t dawn upon me until my ears heard the wave vibrations from my mouth. Not to say that what I say is even close to great or vast but just what reflections I ponder over after them about God, purpose, and meaning which are the truly amazing matters of life.   

That’s basically it. I feel quite accomplished on this day or days knowing that I learned something new about myself. But information isn’t the goal of my tradition but knowledge is. And knowledge always follows action. Hence I hope to use these discovery and more to come in the future to better myself as a proper, ethical, morally upright, Human being. 

P.S. Forgive the typos, grammatical errors, and anything else that went wrong. I was just spilling my brains I wasn’t writing for a crisp ,manufactured, error free post. 

P.S.S Yes that above picture is of me in one of my secret spots for reflection and contemplation in Sunny California. 

 

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About khidrsthoughts

A traveler among travelers crossing the bridge of this world to the eternal.
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6 Responses to Self-Discovery

  1. Julie says:

    masha’Allah – this is great what you wrote: “(That is why in my tradition of Islam our teachers have always mentioned that when speaking to people the closest ears are yours. Hence you speak for your own benefit for you are most in need of those words of righteousness and goodness and hope others may also benefit.) “

  2. Paraiso says:

    Hello. So I’d been meditating on your comment since you left it and have a few inquiries. What you described there as well as here in your first aspect, is synonymous to that of being a social chameleon. You adjust various degrees of your personality to mimic that of those you interact with. I’m sure I am similar in many aspects. I find myself displaying more of the traits that I feel others find acceptable so as not to be rejected. It’s great if you’re a people pleaser and want to satisfy the wants and needs of others, or as you said in aspect 2, are trying to avoid revealing your true self. But I’m beginning to feel as though it hinders our own motives of self-discover and self-improvement.

    Do you not think it counter-productive to constantly adhere to those personalities around us if we are trying to discover who we are and become accepting of that? To morph into someone we aren’t normally in an effort to accommodate to the sensitivities and preferences of our peers? I mean how are we supposed to learn about ourselves if we are constantly putting on a show for them? I know you feel as though you are learning a great deal about yourself by mimicking the behaviors of those around you, but I believe you end up learning more about them than you do yourself. Or at least that’s what I’ve discovered in my own situation.

    Since you made that post, I’ve thought and thought about it. I’ve resolved that I no longer want to live in comparison to those around me. I don’t want to worry about not hurting others’ feelings, offending or scaring people. Because being what they’re accepting of offends me. It’s not who or how I really am. And so I think that is what I’m going to work on. Being same “me” (or the “me” I’ve figured out so far), no matter who I am in front of. Your thoughts?

  3. I respect your decision to take that step to just be you. For others this may seem quite simple and obvious but little do they know the complexities for us in such a decision.

    However, I will kindly disagree and divert. Your right it is counter productive to adhere to those personalities around us when one is trying to figure out who they are. And no I would not say that I am learning a lot about myself when I do this. But again everything is done with a aim and purpose in mind. My purpose in doing this isn’t to learn about myself but rather it is to be kind and considerate about others needs. At the end of day that’s my purpose. Now some would say but why or who cares about others? Well being a person who wishes to connect myself to God I find great pleasure in being kind and considerate to others. And such qualities are praised by God, Himself, and His Prophets. Hence because of my connection to the Prophetic tradition, I know that my exemplifying good character traits such as preferring the comfort of others over one self will be rewarded by none other than God Himself. In addition, I personally feel that I have my close knit of a few friends who I don’t have to put a “front” for as some may put it and it is through my interactions there I learn and grow but it’s not limited to that small avenue. Learning and growing can happen through many avenues and it’s not limited to just “being” ourselves around people. But rather it’s through different life instances we are put through which bring out different things within us that we didn’t know existed until that point.

    My journey into self discovery isn’t just to figure who and what I am. That would be only going one step. But being the perfectionist I am, I am looking to rectify those bad traits that are inherently within me. Some people have the notion that, “I can’t change, that’s just who I am and that you should accept me the way I am”. The problem with this type of mentality in my humble opinion is that your bad qualities could possibly hurt others whom you love and hold dear to. And it is partly due to such a notion that we have such dishwashers (my way of saying douchebags since I don’t use foul language) and jackashes around in our society. People no longer care if they hurt and offend others because it’s all about “ME”.

    The worship of the Individual of the self is extreme in our American culture. Our music advertises, our food, our clothing, our mannerism all scream out “it’s all about me!” or we are told it’s all about you. This worship of the self is quite detrimental to self development and growth. We have to be able to step out of this “all about me” attitude and enter the vastness of “caring for others”.

    I wish you luck on your journey of self discovery and growth, I hope my words and thoughts are of a help in your journey.

  4. ummkhaleel says:

    Salam alaik Bro Khidr, I’m an INFJ myself (although at times it leans towards INFP) and the points you listed down are very much reflective of my personality. It’s true that we mimic other personalities and I guess this is because we want people to feel comfortable around us. I think that’s the reason why we make friends easily but like you also mentioned, we are choosy when it comes to those whom we are close to. There is this layer that we keep between ourselves and others and only those who have gained our full trust, are able to penetrate through it. It’s not that we don’t trust others but we rather keep ourselves in a cocoon to protect ourselves than to get hurt. I have many friends but only with a handful that I can ‘strip myself bare’ from these layers.

    I think to sum it up: We INFJs are very complex people ..to put it simply, even I don’t understand myself sometimes!

    Good to know another INFJ.. and interestingly a male INFJ AND Muslim. You must be like 1% of the 1% INFJ population!

    • WalaykumAsSalam Umm Khaleel. Ajeeb and interesting is the lives of INFJ’s. I personally tend to lean towards a extroverted version of myself due to my circumstances. You hit the nail on the head about those layers and how we don’t let any joe enter into our complex selves. SubhanAlllah, your right we fear getting hurt and don’t like to make our selves vulnerable. As a guy with a natural ego that’s probably the hardest things to say to myself, let alone others.

      Complexity is a understatement lol!

      I would like to add a Male, Muslim, and Practicing. I think that makes me 1% of 1% of the 1%. Allhumduillah, uniqueness has always been my domain since birth. I actually have one other friend who also fits into the same narrow category I do ,however, he has at least 10 years on me in age. But the beauty is that there are times when we don’t even talk. We just look at each other and agree that whatever the other had to say it must have been legit because it’s coming from another INFJ. It’s quite the amusement. We talk in in-directs and others looking in have no idea but as INFJ’s we totally understand each other. I make shukr to Allah for giving me a companion for who I can really “strip myself bare” with in regards to my layers of personality.

      Great to know other Muslim sisters of ours in the INFJ community =]. I always wondered about certain aspects of my self and how they would fair in a female perspective. Not sure if you have reflections on your self but it would be quite interesting to read. (I’m into psychology and personality development a lot for some reason. I think it has to do with being a INFJ again lol)

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